Goin' Country!! Yehaw!!

Day one- The journey.

We had traveled long and far for our spring holiday. We needed a break from the city and it's pollutants. We'd went to our friend's house the night before. I'd packed at the last minuet and gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before our leaving. I was hoping to forget everything and leave it behind in the city. I needed to clear my mind. It had taken us three hours to get here. It felt like six because we had a baby and a toddler. As we drove on I thought of all the mistakes I'd made in dealing with my current situation. We got lost two or three times but we got here in one piece none-the-less. Once you are able to see the beauty that this place holds it takes your breath away. It'd bring a grown man to his knees. When you're raised in the city, you appreciate these things A LOT more. The sky is clear. So clear that you can see stars. In the city the stars seem to hide their faces behind a thick layer of pollution. There is no natural life such as trees and flowers in the concrete jungle. Excluding the people, it is life less, it is a valley of ashes. A place where you sometimes cannot hear your own thoughts much less, your own heart beating.

At the moment I am sitting in a cabin with a quaint fire and a cozy complexion. It is here in the mountains where birds sing. If we wished to go on a walk, we would be accompanied by a furry companion. His name is Montana. He's a German Shepard. He is not just a normal dog. He loves to play fetch and catch. This, at first, would not seem out of the ordinary but with what does he play? He likes to play fetch with any of the rocks lying around. He only understands Turkish commands as well. He sits on our door step all night long. We sometimes throw him table scraps. No matter what he's always been there with his rock to keep me company. Morning, Noon, or Night. I would want a dog just like him. I sometimes wish that people in life were just as faithful. But, they come and go as they please. Sometimes with out so much as a thought. But if I have belied the people at my school I apologize.

I've had a hard time these past few months. I struggle with the girls in my class. They ignore me and cut down my dreams. So much that my body aches and my heart is broken. It has never been easy figuring out that the people that you've been calling your friends for 5 years don't really care about you. I suppose that I can't compare to the friends they've known for a life time but their words still cut deep. My hate has driven me for so long that I've worn myself out. So, I'm letting it go. I give up. I don't wanna fight. I just want this war to end. I'm no longer harboring hate in my heart. Life goes on even if my relationship with those people does not. I've made no effort to speak their names. Sadly enough, this isn't to hurt any one of them. It's just to finally show the world that I'm free. (:

Forever Yours,
Kirstie.

Kaleb Benjamin Smith

I can not believe that I am able to hold such a small wonder in my arms.
Cooing and making the slightest movements, you look up at me.
You may not know who I am but I truly love you with all my heart.
When I am with you, I am at rest, so very calm.
You are lovely, a true vision of peace.
How can one not fall in love with you.
I often wonder if you can love me back. If you even know my name.
As my singing rests upon your gentle ears I begin to cry because I will not be able to see you grow.
But please promise me I'll get another chance to enjoy the plentiful years of your life and to watch you mature.
People should have more moments like this.
To slow down and be able to sit in such a beautiful silence.
You represent the grace of God.
It is a gift, joyful and delicate.
It is beautiful and lovely.
As you smile at me and the words out of my mouth it brings joy to my heart.
I promise you, little brother, that I will always be here if EVER you need me.
It breaks my heart to see you cry.
I hope and pray that nothing will ever hurt you. I will protect you with my life.
I do not care what shall happen to me as long as you are safe.
So fragile you are, a real jewel in the crown of God.
Guarded by Angels and loved by the people.
A light to this uncontrollable darkness.
A light that can not be replaced.
You know that I love you...
...And I always will.

Forever Yours,
Kirstie.

Hey everyone.

I hope that you have had an awesome week. (: My sister has recently discovered a new love for a movie called "Tarzan". As we are usually around we usually watch it with her. I have taken a liking to a song written by Phil Collins. Its called "You'll be in My Heart". I just wanted to share the lyrics with all of you.

You'll be in My Heart
By Phil Collins.


Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on

Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
cause I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together cause

you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

yes I'll be with you.
cause I'll be there for you always
always and always
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
I'll be there for you always
always

Thanks for reading,
Kirstiee.

I Have to Understand He's Gone.

I sit starring at a picture that I drew of my brother.
I look straight into the eyes of this figure and I know that it is him.
How could I not? For it was drawn by my own hand.
I do not see this person as my brother but as my hero.
I listen to the recorded words over and over. This screaming in my ear.
I love the sound of the voices past.
His eyes. His voice. They bring back all the faded memories of the good times and better times.
I shall never forget the laughter that we shared. Nor the tears from both our eyes.
How am I gonna talk to now? Who can ask for advice?
To be honest I'm scared. I was always the introvert of our family and you the extrovert.
Some times it feels as if I am in a house full of strangers.
I need my brother, I don't want him to turn into a faded memory.
I didn't know what I would have done with out him and now he's gone.
Will that ever get through to me?
I'll never know.
What happens in the absence of Love? Depression. Desolation.
With out love, there is simply, no tomorrow.
We can not lose the love.
Not now. Not ever.
I love my brother and I always will.
But without his warming smile everyday feels like winter.
I love you, Josh. Never forget it.

Working on letting go,
The more.

Photo Challenge for this week:
Take a photo of your hero. (:
Mine are at the top.
Send them into: Chaotickirstie@live.com

A Different Persective.

Hello everyone,

Our family has has a recent chain of mishaps. At the time I felt that I was responsible for some of these recent events. So, I took a new perspective on things. I stepped into my brother's shoes and Hannah's shoes. At this point I didn't have the slightest clue why he felt this way about someone so young. So, I thought of some other examples of the age difference. I first looked into classic literature. I first thought of William Shakespeare. I thought of how he wrote above the peoples vocabulary. I thought of Romeo and Juliet. Out of my feeling I wrote this a piece that I would like to share with you, readers.

The Perfect Crime.

We're like Romeo and Juliet.
Our love is forbidden yet our embrace hides under the cover of the shadows.
They all said young love was impossible well tonight we'll prove them wrong.
The course of true love never did run smoothly.
There will always be something or someone ripping us apart.
Always pushing. Always ripping.
Will they succeed?
I shall never know.
Tonight, I shall not worry about it, everything is perfect.
As I hold you for the last time...
...I whisper...
"Tonight we commit the perfect crime...
...I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine."
We must not become attached for no matter how tightly you hold onto something it will always be ripped from your hands.
For the end is near.
Our love is desolate...
...the end is here.


Thanks for reading. (:

Forever yours,
Kirstie.

Thank you's.

Hello everyone. (:
I just wanted to share some pictures for this weeks challenge that were sent in. :P
They're from a person very close to my heart. My adopted brother, Sean. (:
We all love you Seany Sean. ^-^
Thanks for supporting our family for the past year. Thank you for participating with my blog. Lol. (:
I also want to thank my little brother, "Tunafish" who has been commenting on almost every post. Haha. Thanks, Little bro. I love you kiddo. :P
And......My mother. Who is here and there correcting my posts. Telling me when I fail and laughing at me when I do. Thanks for putting up with my horrid grammar and spelling. Thanks for setting me straight. And help me clean up the coffee. ;P
And also my Grand mother, whose housed us when we came back for the summer. We all love you and miss you. This includes Grand-pa as well, whose humor is always amazing but not always appropriate but its never fail to make us laugh. (:
Last but not least, my blood brother Josh. :D I miss him tons! He's off to college soon. He's taught me sooo much in the last few years, he was good us all. God bless you, Joshy. I hope you succeed. I believe in you. Thank for not giving up on me. And thank you for being there when I needed you the most. (:

Forever Yours,
Kirstie.

Defining the Great Line.

Hello everyone,
I got back from camp recently where I became closer to God. I have been struggling with being suicidal. I have tried to kill myself 6 times in the past three years of my life. I also have trouble trusting people. I don't let myself get attached to people either. I found God and He has taken the weight of suicide off my shoulders. But to be extremely honest it keeps coming back. Suicide is an on going battle that I myself am struggling with. The thoughts that pass through my mind have been there since I was in the 6th grade. The feeling that I was unloved and unwanted. It was like I could scream in the middle of the hall way in school and no one would care, almost like I was not there at all. I constantly cut and harmed myself. Not a single person at my school knew what I had gotten myself into. Not even my parents knew what I was doing. I wanted to forget the pain that I had concealed deep with in myself so I figured I would try that. It became an addiction, like a drug. I kept going at it. I covered it up and put up a fake smile that no one could see through. But God could. He was the only one that knew what was going on. He came after me and I continued to run. I finally said to Him "God, I can't do this anymore!" It had gotten so bad that I figured the only escape would be to take my life.

But God had a different plan. He kept whispering in my ear "Kirstie, I love you. Don't give up." The knife i had been holding for hours had been thrown from my hand and I wasn't even the one to drop it. Just when I was at my lowest about to give up on the world I found a glimmer of hope that would carry me through. Every time I get the thought of suicide I run to God and I cry out to him. I love him with ALL my heart. I have been called to be a leader. God is amazing and he has shown himself to me countless times. He meets the needs of my family every day. He has blessed me increasingly. I have learned that he has a plan for everyone, including me. I hope that my story has influenced people to give there lives to God. I have shared it quite a few times. I only hope that God will use me for the good of his kingdom. This has been on my heart to post for a while. I wanted to spread the news of God's love by using a bit of my story. And the best part is that its not over yet. (: I still have many more years to come. So, I just want everyone to remember that GOD LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!!! He will never leave you or forsake you.

THIS WEEKS CHALLENGE: Photograph your favorite place in the world. It could be any where ex... Your room, the woods, the beach, or even a country. (Mine is at the top.)
Send it in to; Chaotickirstie@live.com

Thank you so much.

GOD LOVES YOU,
Kirstie.