Jamie Hubley, Gay 15-Year-Old Ottawa, Canada Teen Commits Suicide. Could we have stopped it?

Jamie Hubley, a gay 15 year old from Ottawa, Canada, committed suicide on Friday.

The 10th grade student documented his life, including his depression and the hardships of being a gay teen, in a blog, reports the Ottawa Citizen.

The blog, called "You Can't Break... When You're Already Broken" featured posts with numerous references to and photos of self harm and cutting, pictures of guys kissing and mentions of wanting a boyfriend, and bleak, ominous messages like "Sometimes I wish the breeze would just take me with it," "The only thing worse than being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist," and "Suicides is always an option."

Other posts revealed how difficult school was for Hubley:



"I hate being the only open gay guy in my school… It f***ing sucks, I really want to end it. Like all of it, I not getting better theres 3 more years of highschool left, Iv been on 4 different anti -depressants, none of them worked. I’v been depressed since january, How f***ing long is this going to last. People said “It gets better”. Its f***ing bull****. I go to see psychologist, What the f*** are they suppost to f***ing do? All I do is talk about problems, it doesnt make them dissapear?? I give up."

His last post, which he wrote on Friday, paints a heartbreaking portrait of a boy looking for -- and ultimately unable to find -- acceptance:



Im a casualty of love.

Well, Im tired of life really. Its so hard, Im sorry, I cant take it anymore.

First Id like to mention my friends Nancy, Abby, Colleen, jemma, and Kasia

Being sad is sad : /. I’v been like this for way to long. I cant stand school, I cant stand earth, I cant stand society, I cant stand the scars on my arms, I cant f***ing stand any f***ing thing.

I dont want my parents to think this is their fault either… I love my mom and dad : ) Its just too hard. I dont want to wait 3 more years, this hurts too much. How do you even know It will get better? Its not.

I hit rock f***ing bottom, fell through a crack, now im stuck.

My favorite singers were lady gaga , Adele , Katy perry, and Jessie james, Christina aguilara and most of all I think KASIA!!! I LOVED Singing, and she helped me a lot : ) Im not that good at it though :”/, Im going to miss you guys

(well You know who you are, But to the people who didnt like me (many) A big f*** you, Go ride a unicorn. But w/e I love you anyway.)

Remember me as a Unicorn :3 x) MAybe in my next life Il be a flying squirreel :D

Il fly away.


“From the outside, he looked like the happiest kid. He was always smiling and giving everybody hugs in the halls,” said Steph Wheeler, a close friend of Hubley's.

“I just remember him wanting a boyfriend so bad, he’d always ask me to find a boy for him. I think he wanted someone to love him for who he was,” she said.

A Facebook page dedicated to Hubley has been set up and students are planning a memorial performance in his honor.

Hubley's death comes just weeks after American teen Jamey Rodemeyer committed suicide after being bullied for being gay.

While many, including Lady Gaga who has called for bullying to be made illegal and Dan Savage who began the It Gets Better campaign, are working to help gay teens, sadly, it's obvious there remains much work to be done.

Share the LOVE. End Suicide.
Kirstie.

Happy Birthday, my amazing brother!

Happy birthday my beloved brother. You always make me smile when I come home. You give my life a happy hue. I love you so much. I hope that as the years pass we will remain close and never lose touch. Your laugh and smile turn heads. People can not believe how cute you are. I love to hold you. I don't mind if you hit me in the face or pull my hair. I'll get you back one day. (Tehe). I love you!

Peter! Happy birthday to you as well. You are very close to my heart. I love you even though you sneek up on me...all the time. Happy 16th. (Or in Peter years...Happy 18th.) May your birthday be filled with Unicorns that fart rainbows and poop gumdrops. I love you, little brother.

I will try to be better about posting.
Forever yours,
Kirstieeee.

500 days of Bummer. (:

Hello everyone,
I have just returned from a summer holiday. I had a great time. I met some new friends and got to hang out with old ones. I am very blessed with the support that we have at home. With out them our work would have no support which would end in a failure. This trip was very rejuvinating and refreshing. Some times I just need a break from chaos.

I was able to spend some time with my cousin, Ronna. She has been a friend to me even when I was kinda...maybe...sorta mean to her. I have established a deeper relationship with her and I have enjoyed it every step of the way. She is kind of a tom boy. We went shopping with my mom and happened to wonder into a "Dress Barn" where I fell in love with a black dress. Ronna, then, promised me that if I (I as in my lovely mother) bought the dress that she would try on a dress and let me take a photograph. Naturally, part of me is thinking "Hmmmm. I dunno it's a bit expencive." The other side "Wow! Did she really promise that? Doooo it." So, all that to say I got her to wear a dress. The best part is that SHE fell in love with that red dress and later went back and bought it. She looked absolutely stunning. As if she were a full grown woman in her 20's. I love you, Ronna. (:

I would also like to share some of my other photographs that were taken over the majority of our stay. Please enjoy. (:

Thank you all so much for reading. P.s. I love my awesome family. Thank you soo much for everything. You're the best Grand ma I girl could ask for. Mom, thank you for putting up with me, and therefore not killing me, for all these years. I love you. (:

Kirstie.

The End of Sophmore Year.

Every year my school hosts a Senior Banquet. This year, although not as special as last year, was awesome. The Junior class did an awesome job planning it. This was the last year that we had British people in our school due to lack of appropriate programing. I was able to go early to help set up. I was stuck in a car with my friend David and (my sorta-friend) Austin. David was the D.J. for this event and he was still making last minuet decisions on what music to play. Grace, my best friend, lent me a dress. My mom wasn't around so, I had to take the pictures myself. Please forgive me seeing as, they may not be that good (Lol). God has given me so many blessings this year. I some times take them for granted. I appologize so much for this. I know I live in a place unfamiliar to many yet, I know that I could be in a worse situation. I have great friends, my family is whole, and I know that I am loved.
We went through quite a lot of dances while I was reflecting over my life. I think the most important questions in life are; Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others? And do you know our savior? As I began to think of all these things I wonder if I've brought joy to others. What do people think when they see me coming...end even more important, when I'm leaving. This train of thought guided me through the year as I repeatedly thought of them over and over. I was interupted by a large group of moshers dancing to a song by the "Black Eyes Peas." I had so much fun that night. Every thing in those moments but, they had to end bringing sorrow in with the next wave. I wish that I could re-live the year. There is so much that I would have done differently. I would have changed things in my friendships, like with Annie. She was like a sister to me yet, we let something little come between us and seperate us.
I danced with Jamshid, Raquel, Elliot, Priscilla, Lala, Joanna, and Peter. (This detail was encluded for my mom.) I danced a scottish dance with Peter and he kept getting to the middle first. I told him that I was going to beat him to the middle so, Ryan (youth leader) said "Oh! Maybe that's how this thing works." He threw me into the middle so, I was successful in beating Peter. (: There are several people that left the school after this year. They are had a special place in my heart but, I was invited to go to England by the Jones family. Mrs. Jones told me that I was welcome any time in their home. I am looking forward to, hopefully (if it's okay with the 'rents), planning a trip there.
When the night was over and all the dancing was done we went home and I found strangers in my house. The Underwoods had arrived from Texas! Thing have been pretty crazy around here. They're a fun family but, it doesn't feel as if this is our apartment. I've been cleaning up like crazt and trying to prepare for our trek back. I really miss the munchkin (my little sister). The days pass slowly. I watch my time float away. I want to see the smiling faces of all my friends. I want to go swimming and be able to run by myself. Every single call weighs down my heart. I sit waiting to hear your voice. I wait and wait and still there is nothing but the cool air and the sound of my own hear. I hope to see you all soon.
I love you!
There is always hope,
Kirstie.

Goin' Country!! Yehaw!!

Day one- The journey.

We had traveled long and far for our spring holiday. We needed a break from the city and it's pollutants. We'd went to our friend's house the night before. I'd packed at the last minuet and gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before our leaving. I was hoping to forget everything and leave it behind in the city. I needed to clear my mind. It had taken us three hours to get here. It felt like six because we had a baby and a toddler. As we drove on I thought of all the mistakes I'd made in dealing with my current situation. We got lost two or three times but we got here in one piece none-the-less. Once you are able to see the beauty that this place holds it takes your breath away. It'd bring a grown man to his knees. When you're raised in the city, you appreciate these things A LOT more. The sky is clear. So clear that you can see stars. In the city the stars seem to hide their faces behind a thick layer of pollution. There is no natural life such as trees and flowers in the concrete jungle. Excluding the people, it is life less, it is a valley of ashes. A place where you sometimes cannot hear your own thoughts much less, your own heart beating.

At the moment I am sitting in a cabin with a quaint fire and a cozy complexion. It is here in the mountains where birds sing. If we wished to go on a walk, we would be accompanied by a furry companion. His name is Montana. He's a German Shepard. He is not just a normal dog. He loves to play fetch and catch. This, at first, would not seem out of the ordinary but with what does he play? He likes to play fetch with any of the rocks lying around. He only understands Turkish commands as well. He sits on our door step all night long. We sometimes throw him table scraps. No matter what he's always been there with his rock to keep me company. Morning, Noon, or Night. I would want a dog just like him. I sometimes wish that people in life were just as faithful. But, they come and go as they please. Sometimes with out so much as a thought. But if I have belied the people at my school I apologize.

I've had a hard time these past few months. I struggle with the girls in my class. They ignore me and cut down my dreams. So much that my body aches and my heart is broken. It has never been easy figuring out that the people that you've been calling your friends for 5 years don't really care about you. I suppose that I can't compare to the friends they've known for a life time but their words still cut deep. My hate has driven me for so long that I've worn myself out. So, I'm letting it go. I give up. I don't wanna fight. I just want this war to end. I'm no longer harboring hate in my heart. Life goes on even if my relationship with those people does not. I've made no effort to speak their names. Sadly enough, this isn't to hurt any one of them. It's just to finally show the world that I'm free. (:

Forever Yours,
Kirstie.