Kaleb Benjamin Smith

I can not believe that I am able to hold such a small wonder in my arms.
Cooing and making the slightest movements, you look up at me.
You may not know who I am but I truly love you with all my heart.
When I am with you, I am at rest, so very calm.
You are lovely, a true vision of peace.
How can one not fall in love with you.
I often wonder if you can love me back. If you even know my name.
As my singing rests upon your gentle ears I begin to cry because I will not be able to see you grow.
But please promise me I'll get another chance to enjoy the plentiful years of your life and to watch you mature.
People should have more moments like this.
To slow down and be able to sit in such a beautiful silence.
You represent the grace of God.
It is a gift, joyful and delicate.
It is beautiful and lovely.
As you smile at me and the words out of my mouth it brings joy to my heart.
I promise you, little brother, that I will always be here if EVER you need me.
It breaks my heart to see you cry.
I hope and pray that nothing will ever hurt you. I will protect you with my life.
I do not care what shall happen to me as long as you are safe.
So fragile you are, a real jewel in the crown of God.
Guarded by Angels and loved by the people.
A light to this uncontrollable darkness.
A light that can not be replaced.
You know that I love you...
...And I always will.

Forever Yours,
Kirstie.

Hey everyone.

I hope that you have had an awesome week. (: My sister has recently discovered a new love for a movie called "Tarzan". As we are usually around we usually watch it with her. I have taken a liking to a song written by Phil Collins. Its called "You'll be in My Heart". I just wanted to share the lyrics with all of you.

You'll be in My Heart
By Phil Collins.


Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on

Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
cause I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together cause

you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

yes I'll be with you.
cause I'll be there for you always
always and always
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
just look over your shoulder
I'll be there for you always
always

Thanks for reading,
Kirstiee.

I Have to Understand He's Gone.

I sit starring at a picture that I drew of my brother.
I look straight into the eyes of this figure and I know that it is him.
How could I not? For it was drawn by my own hand.
I do not see this person as my brother but as my hero.
I listen to the recorded words over and over. This screaming in my ear.
I love the sound of the voices past.
His eyes. His voice. They bring back all the faded memories of the good times and better times.
I shall never forget the laughter that we shared. Nor the tears from both our eyes.
How am I gonna talk to now? Who can ask for advice?
To be honest I'm scared. I was always the introvert of our family and you the extrovert.
Some times it feels as if I am in a house full of strangers.
I need my brother, I don't want him to turn into a faded memory.
I didn't know what I would have done with out him and now he's gone.
Will that ever get through to me?
I'll never know.
What happens in the absence of Love? Depression. Desolation.
With out love, there is simply, no tomorrow.
We can not lose the love.
Not now. Not ever.
I love my brother and I always will.
But without his warming smile everyday feels like winter.
I love you, Josh. Never forget it.

Working on letting go,
The more.

Photo Challenge for this week:
Take a photo of your hero. (:
Mine are at the top.
Send them into: Chaotickirstie@live.com

A Different Persective.

Hello everyone,

Our family has has a recent chain of mishaps. At the time I felt that I was responsible for some of these recent events. So, I took a new perspective on things. I stepped into my brother's shoes and Hannah's shoes. At this point I didn't have the slightest clue why he felt this way about someone so young. So, I thought of some other examples of the age difference. I first looked into classic literature. I first thought of William Shakespeare. I thought of how he wrote above the peoples vocabulary. I thought of Romeo and Juliet. Out of my feeling I wrote this a piece that I would like to share with you, readers.

The Perfect Crime.

We're like Romeo and Juliet.
Our love is forbidden yet our embrace hides under the cover of the shadows.
They all said young love was impossible well tonight we'll prove them wrong.
The course of true love never did run smoothly.
There will always be something or someone ripping us apart.
Always pushing. Always ripping.
Will they succeed?
I shall never know.
Tonight, I shall not worry about it, everything is perfect.
As I hold you for the last time...
...I whisper...
"Tonight we commit the perfect crime...
...I'll steal your heart and you'll steal mine."
We must not become attached for no matter how tightly you hold onto something it will always be ripped from your hands.
For the end is near.
Our love is desolate...
...the end is here.


Thanks for reading. (:

Forever yours,
Kirstie.

Thank you's.

Hello everyone. (:
I just wanted to share some pictures for this weeks challenge that were sent in. :P
They're from a person very close to my heart. My adopted brother, Sean. (:
We all love you Seany Sean. ^-^
Thanks for supporting our family for the past year. Thank you for participating with my blog. Lol. (:
I also want to thank my little brother, "Tunafish" who has been commenting on almost every post. Haha. Thanks, Little bro. I love you kiddo. :P
And......My mother. Who is here and there correcting my posts. Telling me when I fail and laughing at me when I do. Thanks for putting up with my horrid grammar and spelling. Thanks for setting me straight. And help me clean up the coffee. ;P
And also my Grand mother, whose housed us when we came back for the summer. We all love you and miss you. This includes Grand-pa as well, whose humor is always amazing but not always appropriate but its never fail to make us laugh. (:
Last but not least, my blood brother Josh. :D I miss him tons! He's off to college soon. He's taught me sooo much in the last few years, he was good us all. God bless you, Joshy. I hope you succeed. I believe in you. Thank for not giving up on me. And thank you for being there when I needed you the most. (:

Forever Yours,
Kirstie.

Defining the Great Line.

Hello everyone,
I got back from camp recently where I became closer to God. I have been struggling with being suicidal. I have tried to kill myself 6 times in the past three years of my life. I also have trouble trusting people. I don't let myself get attached to people either. I found God and He has taken the weight of suicide off my shoulders. But to be extremely honest it keeps coming back. Suicide is an on going battle that I myself am struggling with. The thoughts that pass through my mind have been there since I was in the 6th grade. The feeling that I was unloved and unwanted. It was like I could scream in the middle of the hall way in school and no one would care, almost like I was not there at all. I constantly cut and harmed myself. Not a single person at my school knew what I had gotten myself into. Not even my parents knew what I was doing. I wanted to forget the pain that I had concealed deep with in myself so I figured I would try that. It became an addiction, like a drug. I kept going at it. I covered it up and put up a fake smile that no one could see through. But God could. He was the only one that knew what was going on. He came after me and I continued to run. I finally said to Him "God, I can't do this anymore!" It had gotten so bad that I figured the only escape would be to take my life.

But God had a different plan. He kept whispering in my ear "Kirstie, I love you. Don't give up." The knife i had been holding for hours had been thrown from my hand and I wasn't even the one to drop it. Just when I was at my lowest about to give up on the world I found a glimmer of hope that would carry me through. Every time I get the thought of suicide I run to God and I cry out to him. I love him with ALL my heart. I have been called to be a leader. God is amazing and he has shown himself to me countless times. He meets the needs of my family every day. He has blessed me increasingly. I have learned that he has a plan for everyone, including me. I hope that my story has influenced people to give there lives to God. I have shared it quite a few times. I only hope that God will use me for the good of his kingdom. This has been on my heart to post for a while. I wanted to spread the news of God's love by using a bit of my story. And the best part is that its not over yet. (: I still have many more years to come. So, I just want everyone to remember that GOD LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!!! He will never leave you or forsake you.

THIS WEEKS CHALLENGE: Photograph your favorite place in the world. It could be any where ex... Your room, the woods, the beach, or even a country. (Mine is at the top.)
Send it in to; Chaotickirstie@live.com

Thank you so much.

GOD LOVES YOU,
Kirstie.

Andy Warhol. (:

I never thought I would love a picture of an animal as much as I love this one. Its a picture by Andy Warhol. One of my favorite artists of all time. (: I love this Zebra. I believe that it gives a new color to Zebras. Making them more fun. What I love about Andy Warhol is that he had such originality that it was insane. (: He was called the "Prince of Pop Art". This man was Homosexual. Now It seems that one of the major problems in today’s society is the struggle with loving homosexual people. Believe it or not, the group that shows the most rejection towards homosexuals is the Christians. If you asked a Christian what they thought about homosexuality you might get discussed answers. But in all reality they are just people like you and me; trying to deal with every day sin and work through problems like anyone else. We all are just trying to find the truth and how each person finds it is different. They are only moving through life the best that they know how to. Why must they be treated differently? They deserve to be treated like people. Just because people are bisexual does not give us the right to treat them horribly. Take a look at this story:

“Hello. I'm 16. I live in Baku. I'm gay, I like boys. My parents hate me because of it. They think that I'm abnormal. Every day boys kick and beat me, like a little girl. It's so difficult to live here. Everywhere you should hide the orientation. Because of it here you can even die. And if you are gay, you haven't got any rights except prostitution.”

Why should someone have to die because they are gay? It does not make any sense. Why can’t we just love them for who they are? It’s gotten so bad that people are even afraid to admit that they are homosexual. Is that what it has come to? They are hiding who they truly are in order not to be judged or prosecuted. They are still people. They should have the same rights and permissions that we do. Sexual orientation means nothing when you are friends and I don’t believe it should matter in any other situation.

What about how God views the homosexual people? God does not hate gays. He hates the sin but not the person. How could He? He created us. He is always willing to help.
Another point I want to look at is that homosexual’s need acceptance. This is the most difficult aspect that we face. We don’t know what is going on inside their heads. One popular reason for “being gay” is a family dysfunction. But I do believe that homosexual people experience a lack of acceptance. I believe this is why they group together rather than mix.

`We, as Christians, can act like spiritual jerks. We have a fountain of life inside of us and we chose not to share it with them. This action is selfish. We may be uncomfortable but I believe that God puts us in their lives to help them and influence them.
I believe we should follow the example set down by our father. We should love everyone. No matter if they are gay, ill, homeless, or of different races or religions. We need to learn to love these people and accept them for who they really are. God still loves them and we should too. The cause of being gay is suffering brought on to a person as a child. I believe that it can be cured with just the right amount of love and a good example to guide them back on to the right path.


Thanks for reading,
Kirstie.

Joshy ish a Kollage Stoodent!

My dearest brother is leaving for College. As you may imagine this made me very sad because him and I are very close. So I wanted to write something for him. This, unlike my other posts is not written out. So I'm just gonna type and try to say what I feel. So here is goes:

Josh is now all grown up, he's moving on.
From middle school, high, and mowing the lawn.
As I hold his graduation rope I realize that it represents three years of your life.
For four years I've watched you grow and strive.
The most important years of growth from a boy to a man.
You will succeed in anything you do, I know you can.
To me you weren't just a brother.
I'm not sure of the word friend, hero or other.
But if there is one thing I know its that I will always love you.
No mater how mean you are or what you do. (:
Good luck, may God guide you.
And may your friends always be true.


I love you Josh. Never give up. I won't give up on you.

Always and forever,
Kirste.

Feelings Hidden in Between the Lines of Paper.

Hello everyone. Here is something that I wrote as well last night.
I hope the you enjoy it. Seeing as I wrote it in a strange sort of mood forgive me if its sad. :P
Here it is:

Feelings Hidden in Between the Lines of Paper

Dearest paper and pen.
You are my closest friend.
You keep my secrets and my heart can pour out to you, freely.
You hide my feelings in the folds of your notebook.
Away from the world.
You let them think that I am fine.
You and only you know my real pain.
You can not operate without me. You need me.
And this is why I come to you often.
When they hurt me, you are the first to know.
You do not judge me or turn away when I share my true feelings.
You are the only one that knows all of my secrets.
I love that about you.
You do not gossip or share it with my family.
You can not run and tell your husband.
But you still can not hold me when I cry.
You can not dry my tears, only catch them.
You can not sing me to sleep.
You can not think of me lovingly.
You have no feelings for me.
But, dearest paper and pen, there is one thing that you are best at.
Better than any person that I know.
And that something is, being there for me.
You are always there for me.
Even at two in the morning when I cry under the blanket of night.

-The more.

P.S. Thanks for reading.
Kirstie.

The Words and Meditation of My Heart...

Hello everyone. (:
I wrote something last night and I hope that it touches you as you continue to read it. Its about forgiveness and words.
I do believe that these two things are very important. :D
So here it is:

The Words and Meditation of My Heart

Words. They don't mean anything to people.
I would be wasting my time writing just a single word.
But the right words can create all kinds of emotions.
They can create fear, depression, and even happiness.
But the words that I write. Do you understand them?
I mean every last one with all my heart.
If I didn't I wouldn't bother writing them.
Words on their own mean nothing but when they group together they can change the world.
So, this made me think.
If one person could change a small amount of something than a group of people can do anything with the right amount of effort.
Now one person with GOD'S help has the power to cast out demons, move mountains, and part seas.
But we, as people, do not always say the right things.
We use our words to cut people down and hurt them even if we do not mean to.
But why do we struggle to forgive?
We hurt GOD so much but yet he does not hesitate to forgive us.
Why can we not do the same?
We are so quick to hold grudges against one another.
We should follow our Father's example.
We must learn from him. He is the most experienced being alive.
He should guide our words as well as our steps and minds.

Thanks for reading. :D

Always moving forward,
Kirstie. (:

The Moon

Hey everyone! I wrote this last night and thought I would share it. :D
Its an essay sort of thing. :P
So here it goes. I call it "The Moon."


The Moon:

The moon's light is pure and beautiful.
But each and every morning it must leave.
What does it leave behind? Only a faded memory.
I grasp on to it ever so tightly but it soon may be forgotten.
At night, when the sun hides its face, I whisper my pain to the moon.
It listens and is willing to smile upon me.
Unlike the people in life, no matter how much I mess up the smile will never fade from its face.
If only the moon could talk back and comfort me.
As tears roll down my face I try to understand why.
My tears fall on the city streets.
I look upon the people. They do not see.
They do not stop to see the beauty of the moon.
If they could see it like I see it we would all be in a state of comatose.
Most people refer to the stars as diamonds, I see the moon as the eye of God shining on a desolate world.
A light in the darkest of times, used to guide the people.
A sure sign of hope that more light is coming.
In the morning.



Thanks for reading. (:
Kirstie.

Hello everyone. (:
I know I posted not to long ago but I thought that this picture was really cool.
So I've decided to share it with you. (:
I found it while researching two artists for a school paper.
The artist were Oldenburg & Van Bruggen.
They are most famous for the "spoonbridge".
Don't forget the challenge of the week. (In the post below.)

Thanks for reading,
Kirstie.

First Challenge!

Hello world! Its a beautiful day so lets pull out our cameras. :D

I know a very important part of style (for me and some other teens) is shoes. I love converses and skate shoes. (: I think its very important to have the actual brand name. None of this vintage stuff. So send me some pictures of your shoes. Send your pictures to : Chaotickirstie@live.com

A few of my own are at the top. Thanks for reading.

Kirste.

Hello, my name is Kirstie. I love taking pictures, drawing, and writing/playing/listening to music. My hope for this blog to encourage you to have fun and challenge you to take more photos. I will be giving weekly challenges (meaning photographing something). So I hope you find these challenges both fun and helpful. (: I'll have youu email the picture to me and I'll put some of them (or all) on my next post. Thanks for reading. I'll be posting later on this week. (:

Kirstie.